what i would want my kids to know

9/15/10

a thought popped in my head the other day. what would i want my kids to know if i were gone? that's a pretty big question, but i am going to take a stab at writing down a few things. if you know me at all, you will know these will be in no specific order and definitely not in order of importance, but rather in the order that they spring through my somewhat turbulent mind.

if i had finally gotten the promotion home, i would want my children to know how grateful i was to call them mine! they have all heard the tale, true though it is, that i thought i knew myself well enough to know that i did not want children, ever, and that i didn't want to be married. ah, but life, at least mine, seems to be wonderful at showing you that many, many times what you think you don't want, is something you not only need, but will treasure deeply. my children are an example of that. i wish there were some way for them to know to the very depths of their beings that i love them and think they are unique, lovable, inspirational, exceptional, totally wondrous and very literally enormous blessings to my soul. i feel like they are truly a part of me. yes, utter foolishness was my supposed desire to never have children. thankfully, for me, my God knew me better. i pray that having me as a mom, is even a fraction of a blessing to them as they have been to me.

i would want them to know that i have many, many times that i am aware of when i wasn't the best mom. times when my decisions were so wrong, or times when i could have handled situations they found themselves, in so very much better. i know oftentimes i was very 'human', very stern, very selfish, as their mom. i only realized this as i got older and wiser.

i would want them to know that the things of this world that seem so solid and real, are truly so fleeting and unfulfilling. the truly important things are the ones you can't touch or see. like people's hearts and spirits. like time spent lovingly. the newest technology, bigger led tv, faster car, new clothes, they really are just so many molecules designed to take our attentions away from where they should be. the important things can seem so unimportant when we are are not focused on God. I would want them to know if I could change one thing in my life, it would be to have truly wholeheartedly followed the Father the first time we met. To have never strayed, questioned or turned away. there is honestly no pain i have ever experienced either physically or emotionally that is greater than knowing I could have walked with Him since I was 13, instead of my mid-thirties.

i would want them to know that marriage is a lot of work. it is one of the largest investments you will ever take part in. it is also one of the most rewarding adventures you can ever embark upon. it is never easy, i do not care whose marriage you are viewing. it is not easy. the key, or rather one of them, is to place ALL of your partner ahead of yourself and for them to do the same thing. if you care more about their needs and desires and they care more about yours, then each of you will be taken care of. of course, you will still need to work on your own personal growth. but what will be lacking, thankfully, is that voluminous, voracious, vacuum of doubt, fear and self-pity a person can feel when they think they are unimportant to their spouse.

i would want them to know, if you don't have the money to buy it, put it down and walk away! don't borrow, don't co-sign. be content with what you do have and take good care of it.

i would say, no, shout loudly to them, "Introduce yourself to yourself! get to know you! It's ok to be you and mostly YOU ARE THE ONE AND ONLY YOU THAT WILL EVER EXIST!!!!" go be you, and make it the best version possible. delight in the odd and unique things about yourself. ask God to help you change the weaknesses and allow you to use them as strengths. ask Him to help you strengthen all of the gifts He has bestowed upon you. the world has this ONE chance to know this person God created in you...so don't listen to the world when it tries to say you are nothing. YOU ARE TREASURE! so don't let yourself be buried. :)

i would say, if they live in Heber Springs, do not go to wal-mart on tuesday between 10-2!!! someone, i don't know who, opens the gates that hold back the handicapped, elderly, the moms with 5 under 5, and the stupid. be warned, i'm just saying....a visit during this time period just may require more patience than even Job was given!

DO NOT ever, drive in the turning lane! it was meant to pull into and STOP, while waiting to turn or merge!!! and if there is ever a vote to make it legal to shoot out the tires of those driving in the turning lane, vote yes for goodness sake! and then get your 'carry' permit :)

i would want them to know that keith and i did have fights and disagreements. they just didn't witness the majority of them.

i would want them to know that i count myself the all-time most blessed person. my husband, whom i also thought i didn't want, is by far the most besotted with me than any person on the planet. it has been more an honor than they know to be so very cherished by him. it still boggles my mind as to why, but that may well be the one "why" i never receive an answer to! i'm ok with that. while our lives have not been perfect and together we have made countless mistakes, i have never doubted his love for me. this brave, intelligent, wonderful, resourceful man would give his life for me without so much as a second thought or batting an eyelash. and better than that, he has chosen to live for, and with me. together we have walked many roads, turned around more than once, dug under, trekked over and burrowed through many obstacles, but he has never left my side. one of our most awesome experiences has been finding God together. i love the man God created and it has been such a blessing to see the man he has molded, coaxed and thrown him into, lol. he is the only one for me and i am so grateful i will have him with me throughout eternity.

i would tell them, that forgiveness is essential ALL the time and in ALL circumstances. it is not a choice but a command. because He forgave us, we must also forgive. and just like all else in our lives, He will help us accomplish this, because most times it is a very big task.
unforgiveness hurts ourselves more than anyone else. unforgiveness, rarely truly injures or impedes the one you are so focused on. that is a truth right there....now let it sink on in. it hurts you more, controls you more, breaks your heart more, and hurts those around you, more than the supposed object of the unforgiveness. it also places a wall between you and God. unforgiveness needs to be handled as quickly as possible. even when you are still in the state of shock or still trying to understand how this injury could have happened. let it go right then!! pray for help to let it go right that minute!! the longer it lingers in your heart, the more time it has to burrow its roots of bitterness into the soft flesh. it will grow quickly taking over places you don't want it to touch or thought it wouldn't have access to. unforgiveness in a heart is a destroyer. it is good friends with pride, selfishness, and arrogance. cut it out, asap.

don't litter! man's trash so corrupts the awesomeness of God's creation. it muddies the view. and, like most other things in life, it's not just about you. it messes up other peoples' view and it creates work for those who don't want to see it, so they pick it up when you could have so easily dropped it in the trash can yourself!

and lastly, well at least for today, you can leave a place but you can't leave the problems! nine times out of ten, the problems you are trying to leave behind are within you. so wherever you go, poof, there they are!

~mom