miss you dad

12/12/05.....a day that will forever be engraved in my memory. 12/12/10.....it's been a great day but my heart aches, still. i miss you so much. you were such a blessing in my life. one i longed for so very much, yet believed i would never receive. a dad, a father, someone to love me as their very own daughter. someone to cherish me, to smile at me with a twinkle in their eye. someone to hold me when i hurt, to teach me what i needed to know, to explain when i didn't understand. a strong man to lead and guide and to tease and laugh with....a daddy. i always wanted one. mine had vanished from my life when i was 3. basically growing up without one, you would think since i had been so young i wouldn't know what i was missing. i wouldn't feel a gaping void and i shouldn't know what would fill it. but i did. somehow a child instinctively craves a dad, and probably a mom, when they don't have one. they may not know "what" they are missing, but they know who is missing and that they need him.
and then, there you were! i was so old and still so young, only 14. you came into our lives and loved us like you had always known us, as if we were your very own flesh and blood. you filled that void, though i don't know if you ever knew it. you gave me all those things above that i thought i would never know. i have been immeasurably blessed by your life and your love. your imprint on my life is deep and ever present. i love you dad. i miss you so. i am so thankful for memory. i can hear your voice inside me. can hear you saying "hey, sweets!". i didn't know until after you were gone how much i loved that. i can see your strong hands, so amazingly powerful, big and yet gentle, your ice blue eyes..there were so many times that i felt like you were looking straight through me, the thick scar around your neck, your bowlegged stride and your awesome smile. your loyalty and patriotism were an example to all who knew you. i wonder if i ever let you know just how much i looked up to you...probably not. thank you Lord, for allowing us memory. thank you for the ability to love so deeply and to be loved. thank you for the pain that makes me appreciate my blessings so much more. please Lord, take good care of my dad. thank you for him. i wish he was here. i could use one of his hugs and one of his sweet kisses on my forehead. he was the best. i didn't deserve him, but you blessed me with him just the same.